Posted by B2chica on June 11, 2007, at 8:28:00
In reply to Re: Life is complicated- extra long » B2chica, posted by Dory on June 8, 2007, at 15:50:50
i understand it does feel whiny, but just remember you aren't. you are just trying to figure things out. i'm sorry you are hurting so much. and i'm not sure with what's going on about not talking about certain thing *here*. but i hope you can open up to someone, somewhere you feel comfortable doing so.
does journaling help any?and believe me i understand the uncertainty thing. its a feeling that i wish others didn't have to feel. although i am so used to that that i don't know any other way of feeling. i think mine even more dwells into the distrust genre. i finally trusted a T and spilled all and for the first time in my life, i felt ok. and i finally felt what it was to really trust someone. it felt good. but i just don't expect that in everyday life. i don't think i ever will.
i guess what i'm saying is after so long we adapt to our survival needs. we learn what to do to protect ourselves and our emotional health, even if it is a 'not so' healthy thing to do.and you mentioned how you what your T to feel proud of you, and if you bored him and such....i know i'm just untrusting and synical, but if you want your T to feel these things...well, that's just one more person that can let you down, why put him in that type of (power) position?
but i say that knowing that i've felt similar before. i guess we all look for that caring approval that we never got growing up.
d@mn, lately i've been so freaking angry....why did i have to grow up is such a Freaking DYSFUNCTIONAL environment!!!!!!
i am Busting my @$$ trying not to continue the cycle, and it seems like i've been fighting an uphill battle ALL my life...and though ive realized before i don't think it will ever get easier....i think i'm on the verge of accepting it.and it doesn't matter to me that you don't 'look' sick. just because our outside doesn't match our inside doesn't make it ANY less valid!
******************
about the hug...it made me think of a post a couple years ago. someone living in NY mentioned that there was this "place" that you could sign up for and it was basically a group that would get together for 'human contact'. they would get together specifically to be held...
...never heard much more of it....interesting, no?-i just wanted to let you know that it proves that there are MANY others out there that feel the same way.
*******************but, i do know just what you are saying about the REAL HUG....a good 5 min hug. i'm married and still don't get those.
the last one i got was about 3 years ago from a VERY close male friend of mine. God i can still feel it. it was so wonderful....we were talking about our depression and pains from past and he reached over and held me, it lasted forever....here's wishing that for you D.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:761782
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/762330.html