Posted by Honore on June 9, 2007, at 12:42:06
In reply to Re: hard to leave..., posted by sunnydays on June 9, 2007, at 11:08:55
I had thoughts about his not thinking about me-- how nothing really mattered--that it was mostly me deluding,. I had so many terrible thoughts that would flood into my mind and destroy whatever connection was built up during the time tegether that was good.
I honestly can't say why the thoughts started to diminish. For one thing, we talked about this-- that while the relationship had limitations-- like only being together for certain defined hours,-- and all that. He would say that all relationships are limited. It's not as if he spends ten hours a day with his family, or has the most profound and meaningful conversations day in and day out. Those conversations are occasional-- and ours were distilled, capturing the essence, even though the time seemed short. He would say that the way he is with his family isn't necessarily deeper or better than how he was with me.
It was kind of just coming to believe that that was true-- that relationships have a metaphysical aspect that can be deep or intense, in a way that isn't defined in hours or places. That may be the most important thing. Not only that he thinks of me, thinking of him, and I can think of him thinking of me-- but that all any two people can have together-- is the time they have, and what they make of it, which is limited in some ways, and not in others. That's what people carry with them-- not the actual other person, who is often somewhere else, doing other things. That thought really meant (and means) a lot to me.
It's an unconscious process but I found that I wasn't devastated on weekends-- mostly because the good experiences and the way he was with me made his words seem real-- not just empty promises or empty reassurance.
I feel pretty sure that you'll come to feel a strong enough sense of your T's presence to hold strong, even as you close the door and go down the street, or are alone on weekend-- it takes time, but it answers your fears and sense of abandonment: so that you won't forget him, and will know, without questioning it, that he can't forget you, because you've become a real part of his world.
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:761923
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/761995.html