Posted by muffled on June 5, 2007, at 23:28:24
In reply to Re: saw my T today (((wishy))) » wishingstar, posted by Dory on June 5, 2007, at 17:38:58
i just don't know. Is it so wrong to want that soothing sometimes? To want someone to understand that you are crying inside and need that soothing even if you can't show that need?
**You can use words. My T responds well to some of the prose I write. I never cried in front of T. I once wrote to her that I didn't want to lose her, and that i wished I could just sit beside her and cry....
But there are parts that won't allow it. Stuff where I not allowed to go. And I think that where the tears are, but I can't get there. Been working for 2 yrs at it, and now we just taking a break from intensity to reconnect some again.
T is hard.One of my personal goals for therapy is to break through the thick wall i have built that separates who i feel i really am and the display me that i show the world... and that is going to need to have some intense emotional content.
**My T refers to it as an onion with layers, with the core being myself(s). And there's noone in the closer layers....
i want to feel true to myself and feel genuine, not like i am putting on a fascade all the time.
**I dunno who I even am for sure......
i just can't let him know when i need more of that because i can't seem to express what i am feeling. God.. i wish i could cry.. scream.. anything
**I sometimes run scenarios thru my head, like daydreams, where I express strong emotions, or where I get volatile and T comes and saves me....stuff like that....
Cuz in T I am careful and contained. In my writings I am not.
Thanks for posts on admin :-)
So, there's my thots.
My T don't even know how crazy i am, don't think she wants to beleive it. Cuz there's not much other places to turn to for me here. Mental health system sucks.
But its sure nice to know she stick by me.
Take care Dory.
Real good care.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dory)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sorry there's so many hurts right now.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:761151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/761447.html