Posted by Dory on June 4, 2007, at 19:14:14
In reply to i'm here...hesitantly, but here, posted by Dory on June 4, 2007, at 8:22:14
thanx guys :o) :o)
i thought about other names... bobsajerk, etc
T was hard...good..bad..confusing. The connection wasn't very strong when he left, and now i really don't feel it. It was nice to see him and i do very much like him as a person.
we talked about a lot of heavy stuff, especially H of course. During the talk things lead to connections from my past and i brought up something that is extremely important. i told him he needed to do the talking because i was going to freak out. He said that we had gone far enough with that for today.
we talked about trust and what he means by it. i am more confused than i had been. It caught him off guard and he said we need to spend more time talking about it.
i am thinking of trying to find a new T. The whole time i have been seeing him i have been trying to explain what i need to get from him in order to make this work. i've been trying and he has been trying.. but something about today makes me think i might not be able to get what i need.
He is very astute (sp?) and smart and funny. He seems very understanding in the sense that he quickly knows what i mean by something.. he even seems to know what the feelings behind things are or should be. But what i want and feel i *need* is for him to articulate that, put more feeling in that understanding... to be more empathic or something. i want him to tell me "that must hurt" or even ask me to talk about the feelings behind something. i have told him this. But i still don't feel i am getting that.
i am kind of upset. i want HIM to get it. i don't want someone new, but i know i will grow frustrated and get nowhere if he can't give me this. i don't know what to do.
i am going to write him another letter and try one more time but if that doesn't help then i am going to either quit or find another T. This makes me very sad. i want to connect to him, and it's not just that he was away... i had just felt we were doing better with it before he went away.
i feel worse right now than i have about this in a long time. Not feeling connected emotionally triggers a lot of key issues for me. i don't understand this at all.
Then i turn on the TV and tonight's episode of Without a Trace had two of the biggest triggers i can think of for me. My head shut down..numb you know? No panic attack b/c i just became so overwhelmed my mind just short circuited.
poster:Dory
thread:761151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/761232.html