Posted by gazo on May 8, 2007, at 23:25:37
In reply to Re: ***suicide triggers*** » gazo, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 8, 2007, at 19:47:28
oh Llurpsie.. what a wonderful post. Thank you. You made me smile.. a weepy smile, but still a smile. Even through the clonazepam haze. God bless clonazepam... and they didn't used to help at all when i was hypomanic.
that was one strategy my T said was not great but a better alternative.. going to bed. i take enough pills to make me sleep, then wake up and take more... until i can function. i don't have a real bed anymore so no place to make into a haven. Due to the physical pain i am in i can't sleep on a regular bed anymore. But i do have two warm fuzzy furkids who love nothing more than to crawl into "bed" with me. They are what keeps me alive a lot of the time.
what scared me the most about last night was that i didn't even think of them anymore.. and that's what usually stops me. all i wanted was for the pain to stop.. to stop and just not wake up to it again in the morning.
you said so much which is true.. the pressure cooker. it's been that way for nearly two years.. i am drained. The chronic pain exhausts me too. i am just tired of life being so damn hard ALL the time.. can't catch any breaks at all?
i find chat helpful sometimes.. even when it's silly.. sometimes that distracting. othertimes it's just cyber-human contact. other times i stay away because i am easily triggered.
thank you for your kind words Llurpsie.. it means something. The next while is going to be very hard for me, and it's going to get worse before it gets better sadly...
thank you for caring and for just being you
much love and peace
poster:gazo
thread:756897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/757001.html