Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 8, 2007, at 19:47:28
In reply to ***suicide triggers***, posted by gazo on May 8, 2007, at 18:45:59
klonopin is good for keeping one sane under intense pressure.
You must feel like you're a pressure cooker and yesterday taught you that one more little puff of bad news is enough to hit you hard.
I'm kind of in the same place. T and me working on this stuff too. It comes down to taking the best care of yourself at all times. clonazepam. yep. sometimes it takes that. Sometimes it takes a very very difficult promise to go to bed and not get out of it until we can manage to stay safe.
and a promise to go back to bed if things get that bad again.
I spend a lot of energy keeping my bed my safe place. It's hard. laundry doesn't get done. but bedsheets are clean. ear plugs and eye mask close by and the world be damned. I must escape.
If staying on babblechat helps keep you safe, I think you should make it part of your routine. Sometimes it doesn't help though, like when all of us are talking silly stuff and you are sitting there with very few options in front of you, one of which may be fatal.
Gazo, you've been a good person here. You would be so so missed if you went. I had another friend who left babble, and I still mourn him. See, I can even cry right now, despite all the stupid meds I'm on. You are cared about, and have the ability to care deeply for others.
I hope that you can set yourself up a safety net for the next little bit. Pressure cookers in a safetynet. what a terrible metaphor. Oh well.
If you have a particularly dangerous medication right now, can you discuss with pdoc the possibility of switching to something less toxic?
This probably sounds really dumb, but one of the things I did when I got out of the hospital was that I put all my pills into a little pill planner. Somehow seeing them all in a little compartment and only opening up one compartment at a time was much less triggering than opening up an entire bottle and being forced to make a decision 2,3 times a day "do I overdose? Is it worth it?".
Stupid things like that. And this packet of things that I had to fill out in the hospital one day. things that I am grateful for, things that make me happy. Things that have made me happy in the past. little plans to get through every hour. every day. and then the day is over and you've survived another one.
Every moment counts. I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. You are very intelligent though, so I think you know some of the tricks to keep yourself safe. I'm still learning them myself.
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:756897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756926.html