Posted by littleone on May 7, 2007, at 21:32:45
In reply to revenge fantasies, posted by crushedout on May 5, 2007, at 20:33:21
Hi crushed,
I don’t want to enter into an argument about whether or not you should or shouldn’t entertain these fantasies. Please know that I have been listening to you – just haven’t had the words to respond. However, I now do have a couple of things to show you.
I’m not sure if you’re aware of the inconsistent message that is coming across in your posts. And I’m not going to nit pick words or exact meanings. I’m just talking about the underlying feeling/message in your post. And I wanted to show it to you to help you see maybe why some babblers are concerned about this.
Just in this thread you’ve said:
> My revenge fantasy is to write an honest letter, from me, and she would know who it was from. And it would only tell the truth and not attack. It would just state the facts and that she harmed me. Period.
> that's all i wanted. i want to irritate her, make her questions herself, make her just feel a little bad.
> I would prefer instead to let her know what she did in as compassionate a way as possible, so that i might be heard, and hope that she would learn from it. but since that doesn't seem possible, i just want to be mean. like i said before: i want to destroy her life. or if not destroy then just make it a bit sh*ttier for a while.
> i want to have an effect on her life. i want to mess it up. i want to make her sorry.
These four comments have very different messages and intensities behind them. I think that perhaps you might want to more fully understand what exactly it is that your head and your heart are wanting out of this.
There was something else that jumped out at me. You said:
> that would be fine if i could find a way to shove it in her face and make sure it made her feel cr*ppy and inferior. otherwise, that's not revenge. that's just a good thing to do for myself.
And my immediate thought was that perhaps you feel/felt cr*ppy and inferior over your interactions/fallout with her and were trying to push those feelings on to her. It was just a random thought I had. Then I saw you post this:
> Otherwise, I don't need more lectures. They make me feel like a bad, dumb person. And I'm not.
And I thought that bad/dumb are pretty close to cr*ppy/inferior. Do you think you’re trying to project your negative feelings out on to her? No need to answer, it was just a thought I had. The other thing is, this might also be part of why you seem to be having trouble accepting come babblers comments. If you read them and then feel like a bad, dumb person, then that could be re-enacting how you’ve felt in some interactions with your ex-T (and of course the obvious question is whether this re-enacts interactions with a parent).
I just wanted to re-iterate that none of this is a criticism of you or what you are doing/saying/etc. I simply showed you these things in case they can help with your understanding of the situation.
poster:littleone
thread:756169
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756666.html