Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 9, 2007, at 21:45:34
In reply to Re: Maybe I'm not so good at therapy *assorted Tri » Llurpsie_Noodle, posted by ElaineM on February 9, 2007, at 21:35:59
> >>>>>Yikes. Now I have a goal. Therapy seemed less threatening somehow when it was just a series of nebulous conversations...
>
> Does having a goal seem any less threatening to remember that there's not a set-in-stone timeline by which it has to be reached? Or does visualizing a goal suggest *expectations* or something - like, if there's a mission of sorts, the mission may have to be done perfectly?
> Or does it not bother anymore once she got it out there.
>
> >>>>>>...and I felt something nice and silky- maybe a robe or a cover, and she hugged me deeply, and it felt protective and nurturing.
>
> LL, this part is so dear. :')
>
> >>>>>Why can't I SAY it to her. T- you were protecting me with your embrace in my dream. Thank you for being there.
>
> I think it was pretty great how much you were able to say. Do you think not being able to say it in your session has to do with need, or no? Like if you say it to her, it could be like voicing your need or wish for protection like that, then, but also now? For me, I may have felt embarassed cause I never used to hope for, or talk about, or share sensitive, nurturing moments with my mom. And saying it to my T would feel like saying it to my mom, a little -- at least in my head. I used to feel humiliated even crying infront of my mother. I don't know. Trying to understand. Ignore me if I say dumb stuff.not dumb stuff at all- that's EXACTLY how I feel. embarassed. I didn't go to my mom for comfort. I didn't go to my mom unless it was emergency. Humiliated. sure. 'cause she wasn't very sensitive to those things. And crying in front of dad. hmmph. That. That's why I would get hit. It wasn't because I was bad, it was because my crying brought out his rage. Crying is a very very last ditch effort to be reserved for emergencies, when the threat of violence is no worse than the alternative (which is getting no care).
yeah, so I was 14 and had abcess in my two molars. and I let it go for 4 weeks. sucked ice chips. malaise. one day mom noticed my lumpy cheek and asked if I had mumps. I said. toothache. she bundled me up to go to the dentist. dropped me off for a 2 hour root canal and treated me like any stupid uncaring nurse would, not like my mom. picked me up. got my Rx filled and sent me to bed with orders. no hug. nothing about how scared I must have been to have this huge puffy throbbing abcess and trying to treat it on my own as a 14 year old. Oh goody. looks like me and T have more to talk about.
>
> I still think you're plently good enough at therapy LL. ANd good for you for initiating an appointment. I know that the longer you put something off [for me, finally showing my face at the dentist] the harder and harder it gets to make it a possibility. Apprehension and fear (and emabarassment, for me at least) just grows bigger deach year. So, no lectures here....thumbs up. Adnd safe hugs. {{{Lurp}}}
> blove, El
>I know Ob's name and location. now I need to see if my insurance will cover it.
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:731503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/731521.html