Posted by Daisym on January 24, 2007, at 19:53:23
In reply to My T's Appearance, posted by mair on January 23, 2007, at 21:39:03
Mair,
I can only imagine how hard all this is. I want to wrap you and your therapist in a thick, warm blanket, safe from all hurt in the world.
I'm sure we all wish we could not notice things like appearance, but we are human and as a species we are programmed to respond better to the familiar. So the changes you describe would be disconcerting. How can you attend to your thoughts or needs when there is such a deregulating experience all around you? And more than the appearance, the life energy has changed. There is fear and sadness and pain and it is all in the room with both of you. From both of you.
Your description of being annoyed with her reminds me of how kids react when they are tense and on edge. One thing goes wrong and that is what they focus on, not the fact that they are in a new setting and missing their moms. So it makes sense to me that your annoyance would flare up at the misattunement, because you can't possibly get upset with her for being unavailable to you. So when she is available, she needs to make it up by being perfect. Not that any of this is conscious, of course. So no need to be ashamed. Easier said than done, I know.
OK - enough analyzing from me. I just feel so bad for you. Let me know if there is anything you need or I can do.
Hugs,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:725771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/726147.html