Posted by happykat on November 29, 2006, at 11:09:44
In reply to Re: Body Memory **csa** (trigger), posted by muffled on November 29, 2006, at 0:49:09
When my head was turned to the side flat on the table I felt sexually aroused (vaginally) while at the same time feeling a deep sense of fear/terror. During flashback I realized my neck was in the same position during abuse. I also had problems staying in my body whenever these feelings came up. I didn't tell T until after flashback.
I've been doing a lot of research on the subject the last day or so and it is alot more common than I thought. For me I think its hard to digest the fact that while part of me was terrified another part of me was aroused. I feel alot of guilt about that. Like maybe i enjoyed it or wanted it etc.. What does it say about me? I know intellectually that you can't control what happens physiologically and as humans we are wired to feel both pleasure and pain.
The best explanations I've found so far on body memory are from Bessel van der Kolk and Judith Herman. (Both MD's)They've outlined how sensory/kinetic aspects of abuse/trauma work. They talk about how the body stores aspects of overwhelming experiences in a fragmented way.
poster:happykat
thread:707614
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/708586.html