Posted by kerria on November 12, 2006, at 15:39:37
In reply to Kerria, posted by Fallsfall on November 12, 2006, at 11:04:00
Thank you for responding to me and all the thought and time that you gave to repsond. You're a very caring person.
You're right- it is a mess- the person that realized the transference could care less- she doesn't care that she hurt me despite the fact it wasn't 'meant' for me. She didn't like me i guess- and is new to the board and doesn't know my struggle with attacks like hers at all. She never mentioned anything like being sorry and i know never will.
What about all the other people- who followed her lead to hurt me- it was one upon another- nothing positive at all- i never heard that ever happen anywhere- at any board like this one or that one- to anyone else. i can't read it again- it's too upsetting the first time but i think upwards of fifteen people were posting negative things. Two - one a trusted friend, posted a positive thankfully. No one still said it was wrong. Now no one is allowed to discuss it. That means no one saying that they're sorry. No one cares about me - they think i deserved it and parts of me hurt me now thinking i deserve it too:( i can't get over it- it's part of who i am:(
it feels horrible to be singled out about a part that i already hate- i have parts that make up who i am and i hate when i switch to some parts - especially that part- i don't realize that it happened untill later and i can't remember of control what i'm doing when i'm in that part. Criticism hurts so much- i can't do a thing about it and i already hate that i have this disorder. It's killed all my relationships.
i'm hurt- so hurt about so many different people posting all negative things about me- not one - not three but more like fifteen:( i never saw that happen to anyone before anywhere.
now i have all these people that attacked me for a disorder that i know i already have- i know that my parts are polorized- i hate being them already. i can't stand to live with myself- i can't hear any more criticism for any reason- i already hear too much inside.
The post was about disability- Not SSI. These is my benefit amount- i haven't worked much outside the home- raising kids i guess doesn't count at all. Why is it like that? Can't my h's be shared? How could he have worked if babies had to be alone in the house?i can not afford $134 a month for an added insurance- i barely make enough for bills- and less than $100 a week- mostly under $50 a week. i am unable to get pain under control and am unable to switch into the work person. Starting in Jan after surgery i won't even be working at all for a few months. Hopefully h won't cancel me from his insurance. i'm trying to talk to him about it but he doesn't agree with therapy so it's difficult. one of my kids doesn't even have insurance- that's a priority.
Did you find a T who treats DID who takes disability Medicare? i don't think i can find a T who takes medicare - most of all i called don't take ANY insurance. i can't go to someone who doesn't understand. It's too upsetting for me. i tried before.
i'm so so so tired of having everything be a such a nightmare and a terrible struggle.
one good thing any ways. My kitty cam home last night. i love her so much.
You are so cool Fallsfall. your name is like a water fall.
love,
C.A.
poster:kerria
thread:701225
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061109/msgs/702904.html