Posted by Daisym on November 2, 2006, at 14:55:17
In reply to Re: Exactly Racer, posted by Dinah on November 2, 2006, at 9:23:43
I completely agree with Dinah -- there is not theraputic value in reopening old wounds that are not causing problems. I think we often think that therapy is going to be that "ah ha!" moment in which we sift through our past well enough that we find the defining moment where things went off course. So we search and search and search looking for the answer. And the search is painful and might not be that productive.
However, if you aren't doing as well as you would like in your life, looking into the past as a way to look at current patterns can be very helpful. Or to figure out why you are depressed. Or whatever.
Toojane has asked several times if anyone knows anyone who has work through their pain and come out on the otherside. I ask this question all the time. My therapist usually gently tells me that my stories will always be painful and upsetting, but the need to tell them will diminish, the triggers will be fewer and I will live in the present in a more satisfying way. So we aren't working to get rid of all the pain of the past, we are working to reduce the influence of the past on the present.And yes -- I think it is working. It took me three years of therapy to see that my relationship with my husband had crossed the line to being abusive, that I couldn't "fix" him, and that I needed to leave. It was a process of telling stories from the past, trying to believe that I wasn't all bad and I didn't deserve this treatment and clinging to my therapist in an infantile but hugely necessary way. He let me "borrow" his core-self for strength as we dismantled my defenses and looked for my true self.
It has been and continues to be a painful journey. I cried the other day that I just didn't want to remember anymore stuff. He said he knows I don't. But do I have a choice? And in my group, we talked about how long this takes and how many times we've been around the spiral, debreeded the wound or drained the infection. If there is a short cut, I sure haven't found it.
But I'm still looking...
poster:Daisym
thread:699503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/699803.html