Posted by ElaineM on October 28, 2006, at 12:53:11
In reply to Re: got through ****med procedure, posted by Karolina on October 27, 2006, at 21:45:52
Hi Karolina: I've been thinking about you. Don't worry about not reading much - it's probably a good thing if you've had other stuff going on. I hope you're well. I think you posted recently that you got back together with boyf? I'm happy for you.
======
Sorry, I meant to post more yesterday, just to finish up, but I was exhausted. There really wasn't much more.I went to T. We talked about what I should do to start modifying my diet. He's picked a level to start at that I'm probably eating right now anyways (or maybe a bit more) - normal for my age and height. Though he did say the goal would be to work lower. He had sent another email answering my question if this was *really* what he thought was best, and he said that it is what he believes at the moment, and that it *is* his opinion that it may make a difference in my body's health and possibly help my other illness get better. I am still confused about what I think though. I wish I had more medical support right now. Maybe I'll mention this to GI guy while I'm there next month - though he's only concerned with the stuff that's his specialty. (and he probably won't know anything about my main diagnosis)(but at least he's familiar with my ED history) I'm very hopeless feeling now - getting to that empty, dejected state again. I don't want to care about anything anymore. I'm so tired of it all.
And then, again, after 15minutes we switched back to him for over an hour. I like helping with other's problems if I can, I really do, but... I don't know. [I know that a client's not supposed to be talking about the therapist's stuff, but it's not like we've had a conventional relationship for a long time now.] But now, we don't really talk much about me anymore at all. I know it's cause there's nothing he can do to stop the feelings like I want to die, or the SI, or panic, or even just sadness, and he hates realizing that. There's nothing he can say or do to take any of it away, and we don't like silence, so I guess he just wants to fill it. Maybe he thinks his stuff would be a good destraction for me from my own bad stuff - I do get that vibe from him sometimes. But this is all just a repeating of all my sessions lately......sorry I'm redundant. I won't mention this stuff again unless something different happens. It doesn't do anything to be writing about it, in the end it's only words. :( I'm fine. I may just need a little break. I don't know. I have no good feelings left at all, no control, nothing. Maybe I'm just tired. I feel like I'm shuting down.
I'm pretty scared of the "good" thing. Really scared of it. I think somehow it's what's making me feel so completely done. *sigh* So confused.
But thanks for asking. Nice to know you're still out there. And drop in here whenever you need to.
blove, EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:697776
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/698484.html