Posted by Lindenblüte on October 29, 2006, at 22:34:21
In reply to Re: trying to know, knowing I don't » Lindenblüte, posted by ElaineM on October 29, 2006, at 20:45:10
>Since I'm not gonna amount to anything I like to facilitate others lives however they want me to. So I know it sounds horrible to say but, I don't expect or want to be around in a year. I haven't for a long time. I remember since I was like 8 I've "known" that I would not live past 25yrs. But I have. I don't feel any connection to the world...
Oh this is so hard for me to read. Whoever is writing this is not seeing the Elaine that I have come to know and admire. :'( Whoever is writing this must have been so hurt, that she cannot even accept her own survival. You HAVE lived past 25 years of age. Please try to think about what next summer will be like. Just give it a thought. Take 5 minutes and give it a good hard thought. Where do you want to go on your summer vacation? Anywhere in the world? Do anything you want. Tell me!
I know you feel some connection to the world, because you write b-lovely sentiments, and you connect with ME (okay, I'm only a tiny chunk of the world, but I take up some space!).
Inside of you there is someone struggling very very hard. You've written before that you have put up with a lot of pain, and a lot of people who have taken advantage of you. Even in the midst of great personal hardship, with very little support, you continue to reach out, and try to find someone who will help you find a safer place. That drive you have- for self-preservation, for continuing to fight for your health and your body-- that basic motivation is how you know that you are going to make it. You are FAR stronger than you realize. Every time you pick up the phone and try to get a new therapist, or a new doctor, you shock your own inner critic, who thinks of you as helpless.
Yeah, you've got a major struggle going on inside, but the strong part is winning. We just have to keep cheering her on. I know that sooner or later, you're going to have the means to get past this. Life may even hand you a lucky break. I think you're due. Until then, stay strong, because a lot of people really care for you-
b-love right back to you,
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:697776
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/698922.html