Posted by wishingstar on October 17, 2006, at 19:30:29
In reply to got a letter from anne, posted by wishingstar on October 17, 2006, at 9:48:24
Thank you everyone for telling me I'm not crazy. I think hearing what you all said helped me to understand a little more why I'm so upset by this. Like you all said (and I agree), the letter was so short, so to the point.. it felt cold. And like ElaineM said, it's hard for me to believe its sincere at this point. I dont really believe that she feels bad or "gets it" now. I almost feel like she just has somehow cut sensitivity and empathy out of her completely, at least for me. I dont understand how someone can be so neutral through all this. I think she probably wrote the letter a little out of wanting to make things "right" but mostly just to humor me, in hopes that I'd finally let it go and move on and leave her alone. I was planning on leaving her alone anyway. If she really meant any of what she said, shed have said it a month ago.
I saw Ginny this afternoon. I put on my happy face big time, but showed her the letter and we talked about it. I didnt cry there.. I wanted to, but it was just too scary. But she was very supportive. She agreed that it felt sort of abrupt and professional, and could see how it felt too late for me. She commented on how much it would have helped if Anne had said those things a month ago, either in a phone call, a letter, or come by the hospital. That was exactly right. I paid this woman a LOT of money and I think I at least deserved that. Ginny agreed. She didnt act like she thought I was overreacting.. although I didnt bring that up either. Ginny suggested maybe writing Anne a letter in response, but I told her I dont think I will. At this point, I think it might just be dragging things out. If she hasnt gotten it (or responded in the way I want her to) by now, she never will.
Ginny told me about the conversation she had with Laurie on Friday. She said that Laurie spoke very highly of me. That's really good to hear.
I left a message for Laurie this afternoon saying that this Fri probably wont be our last session since I still havent settled with a T down here. Ginny is likely just temporary until I find someone for twice a week. But I also told Laurie that I'm thinking of taking a break from therapy. I know that sounds crazy, but I just need a break. This is all just too hard. Sure, I'd suffer a lot even without therapy, but at least I'd have a little more money.
Overall I am feeling much calmer now. But truthfully, I just want to die. I cant keep doing this. I told Ginny that. She asked me if I needed to be in the hospital and I said no. But I just cant keep doing this. I just need SOMETHING to go right. I guess it could always be worse.
poster:wishingstar
thread:695510
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061012/msgs/695648.html