Posted by wishingstar on October 20, 2006, at 15:27:38
In reply to got a letter from anne, posted by wishingstar on October 17, 2006, at 9:48:24
I saw Laurie today. It was a very hard session.
I spend most of the hour staring at my hands not knowing what to say. She knew how bad I was feeling. She did most of the talking.. I just sat there and listened, teared up, calmed down, and repeat. I've never cried in therapy so even that was very big for me.
She told me that if I killed myself, she would miss me. I told her to stop saying that because she'd make me cry (thats where the tears began). She listed what she sees as my good qualities.. asked me when the last time anyone hugged me was.. things like that. She said several times that she'd miss me. I told her I couldnt say much because I'd just cry and we (she) talked some about how it's okay to cry. Finally I told her that I believe that she cares, but shes the only one. I know that doesnt seem big, but saying that was huge for me.
At one point, she said that my pain made her cry too, so it was okay if I cried. I glanced up a minute later and her eyes were teary. Later on, I saw her wiping her eye. I dont ever want to upset her, but it just felt so, so good to see that. It means she really does care. And she saw how much this hurts.
Unfortunately, I dont get to see her next week. She doesnt have any appts left on Fri, and thats the only day I can make it. She also called last night and rescheduled me for today (only by an hour) "to help out one of her other clients".. I'm not really sure what that means.. I expected to go there and see someone else who looked like they were in crisis, but I didnt at all. I dont know. I dont like feeling replaced for another client, even though she said if I couldnt change my time today, it was okay. But I do know she cares about me. It's just weird.
poster:wishingstar
thread:695510
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061012/msgs/696328.html