Posted by Lindenblüte on October 14, 2006, at 11:50:58
In reply to Re: Asked my T if she ever worked with anyone like me? » Daisym, posted by Phillipa on October 13, 2006, at 23:34:27
> My analogy is nursing. When a patient of mine died. I had to swallow the pain and put on a happy face to take care of my other patients. Eventually my coping mechanisms were all used up. Hence the depression and anxiety. The anxiety is the pain trying to well up and out. I get a pain in my chest and a knot in my throat and all I want to do is cry. But I can't make it come out.
Phillipa, that must be so incredibly difficult. You must be a very caring nurse, and I'm so sorry that you haven't been able to grieve for this.
Still haven't grieved my Mother dying when I was l7. I brought myself up and she blamed me for her illness. So Tuesday when I start theraphy my hope is help in learning to grieve and cry. Love Phillipa
That sounds like a good goal for therapy- to learn how to grieve for your losses. Try to remember that your reactions and behaviors and feelings did not happen overnight. They will not be fixed overnight either. You sound motivated, and that's going to help a lot, but just try to remember that this kind of healing is very different from "medical" healing. A lot of times you will feel like your past becomes very confusing, and yet you are doing better in your everyday life. Other times, you will just feel confused and wonder whether you're making the right decisions, because things feel kind of wrong or strange. Since you are prone to anxiety, a lot of your work with your T will probably be almost like a coaching session. Your T may hear you for a little while, and may give you suggestions on ways to think about things differently. If you can do your best to keep an open mind, you will be doing really well. I didn't notice any "progress" in therapy for a long time, but other people were noticing it! Isn't that funny?
As far as grieving your mother- well there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I have been in the position where I was forcing myself to feel a socially acceptable form of grief for my dying father (who has since recovered, kind of) but underneath this "grief" was a lot of very hostile and conflicted emotions. Things that didn't feel right, things that didn't make sense. So- try to keep that in mind- there's no "right" way to feel. It is important, however, to recognize what we ARE feeling and to try to understand how these feelings came to be.
Best of luck on Tuesday. keep us posted!
remember- baby steps! Give yourself time to get into therapy. It's pretty tricky, and most of the people on this board are still trying to figure out what it's all about (I think) even after months and years!-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:694584
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061012/msgs/694759.html