Posted by Lindenblüte on October 14, 2006, at 11:37:40
In reply to Re: Asked my T if she ever worked with anyone like me? » Lindenblüte, posted by Daisym on October 13, 2006, at 23:26:10
Thanks you guys,
I think I have made a lot of progress with my oldT in terms of just getting to the point where I acknowledge that I DO have emotions, and that emotions do not make me an inferior being.Next- realization that asking for help/support/company/kindness/comfort is not an automatic admission that I'm the nastiest weakest person on earth. This is a current project. Everytime I put myself out there as being vulnerable it scares the bejeezus out of me, but I'm getting a lot better. It doesn't have to be big stuff either- just an admission that maybe my data analysis is too complicated and I need to meet with a statistician, or maybe saying that I've been kind of sad this week- can we plan a social event over the weekend? That kind of stuff.
The next step- the most urgent one, in my opinion, this Saturday morning- is trying to figure out how to use my emotions in everyday circumstances. Who are the people in my life with whom I can let down my guard and say things like "I'm really dissappointed; I feel really sad; What you said really hurt me." Babble is a VERY good place for me to practice this stuff. It's a lot harder to say these things to someone's face, however. I've always been a much more open communicator in the written mode. I'm getting a tiny bit better at telling people like my husband, or my 2 most sympathetic friends, and my T / pdoc. I think I may have even said something emotionally revealing to my diss advisor last week.
It's hard though, because I feel like stirring up the waters of my childhood has kind of given me a lot more emotions on my palette (to use a painting metaphor). Sometimes at work, I just want to express mild frustration, and suggest a solution. What comes out instead is that I have accidentally forgotten to dilute my carmine red, and there is a torrent of undiluted anger and rage that I feel I can barely control "emotional diarrhea" lol (I catch myself 95% of the time, but in a few lovely episodes people have kind of given me the "eyebrow raise" that indicates <<cuckoo!!>>. In a sense, it feels authentic, but the problem is that such an outburst is only authentic to the original situation, which may have happened years ago. It's not at all appropriate or relevant to the current situation.
Since my marriage is to a guy who really values honesty, and trust, well I've been able to show him these strong emotions. Of course he has a strong counter-reaction. Can't figure out why I'm being so dramatic and over the top. Can't figure out why I'm so strange about certain topics. I think he knows my triggers better than I do! It's so funny- often he will say something like "I really want to ask you about something, but I know that it's going to stress you out, so I'm going to deal with it on my own". By "stress me out" he is referring to when his beloved wife switches from cheerful or indifferent to passionately oppositional and angry. Well, I'm so glad that I'm figuring out a few of the sources for these triggers. It makes things a lot easier. I can say "honey- why don't we try and talk about it. I'm going to do my best to understand our investment/bank accounts/car maintenance/vacationplans/choice of restaurants..." Inevitably- each one of these touchy points was a source of regular loud screaming matches in Li's childhood home.
Even though we argue a little more about psychology stuff (which he finds complete bullfunk), he has acknowledged that I'm easier to communicate with, and that he likes the little changes that he's seeing. That makes me feel so good. (((((husband)))))
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:694584
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061012/msgs/694751.html