Posted by Lindenblüte on September 27, 2006, at 17:53:44
In reply to Re: Update on my new T (long) **SInj. trig mild**, posted by ElaineM on September 27, 2006, at 17:23:19
And that's not running and hiding, it's just your mind keeping you safe and waiting until you're ready. And about the SI specifically, the fact that you told her about the cutting is a huge brave step. Some people take months or years to admit to SI. I knew someone who told her T absolutely everything BUT that. You should give yourself alot of credit, and you'll mention your fingers when you feel it's right.
***Thanks El, I know it's going to take some time. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just trying too hard because I have over-achiever tendencies.
> But I'm pleased for you that you think she may be someone you'll be able to open up to. You deserve support. What do you think of her being female? Did you feel the same "niceness" when you started with Mr.T? Could you feel a difference when speaking to her? ....What am I asking?! I don't know. I'm just so curious.
***I'm glad you asked. It feels less guarded. I feel less nervous. Even when I go see my male pdoc (who is very kind, smiley, empathetic, who has never done ANYTHING upsetting!)I still get the anxiety attacks and the feeling that I have to be VERY CAREFUL about what I say. Something about those authoritative males being able to use what I disclose to hurt me. Very hard to get over. Especially hard to get over when I never told my Ex-T how intimidating I found his person. I never ever called him by any name. I just said Hi. I never said Hi ______. I still feel very strange about that. I feel like my ex-T had a face that was sincere, but somehow it was hard for me to feel empathy from it. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure that I've ever felt empathy (sympathy?) from a man. oh crap. I just realized that. uh oh. ****News Flash**** Lindenblüte just had an insight... I guess it's kind of hard to spill all this hard stuff when your T's face doesn't mirror the hurt that you are feeling? New T's face feels more like she is feeling me.
My history leads me to mistrust/fear males, and not females, so I would hesitate to overgeneralize my impressions.
Thanks for asking,
b-love back to you (how are your pink tennis shoes holding up? is it time to do some more shoe shopping? I'm about ready... you wanna join me?)-Lindenblüte
(see her on Friday)
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:689465
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/689677.html