Posted by Susan47 on September 24, 2006, at 23:45:58
In reply to Re: Dear Dr. » muffled, posted by Susan47 on September 24, 2006, at 23:15:19
I just realized you don't know what I was talking about. I had a nightmare Friday night after seeing the new therapist and confessing for the first time, actually completely breaking down for the first time in front of someone (other than on the ex-T's answering machine) .. I confessed everything about my phone calls and she actually asked me if I had engaged in any stalking-type behaviours, which I haven't and I told her so but she said of Course the ex-T would be thinking about this and it would scare him, which made me feel horrid because I already suspected that ... and that is the night I had the nightmare about the bodies. Because my stalking-type behaviours were the telephone calls. Those were stalking-type behaviours, which is scary, considering the fact that I made them because they made me feel connected to the only person who seemed to have any understanding or empathy for me .. which of course, he didn't. He was feeling threatened, irritated, and disgusted. Which is really really sad, because I brought that about and it's the absolute last thing I wanted.
(sigh) And it's time to face the music, only I don't know if I have the strength to do that. I do know I have to find the strength to stay away from drugs, though. Because the ganji lies, it lied to me and I actually invited those lies because I felt so hopeless about myself.
poster:Susan47
thread:688763
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/688922.html