Posted by Susan47 on September 24, 2006, at 17:13:47
You meant so much more to me than I ever did to you, and I guess that's just the way it is with us Patients.
The ability you had to hurt me was too great. Did you use it on purpose? Did you Try to hurt me, or was it a side effect of throwing me away because I was too obnoxious? Why couldn't you just sit me down and say "Look, Susan, I care about you the way I care about all my patients. I want to help you. I want you to be able to talk to me. I want to build trust. Let's work on that. I think you have a lot of wonderful qualities, and I can see that you're making some mistakes you may regret later on. Let me help you with that. I want to make some suggestions that will help you this week, let's set up an appointment for next week or for two weeks in the future, and in the meantime you work on these suggestions...."Did it happen that way? No. I let myself get carried away with my emotions and I didn't hide very much from him. I did that on purpose. I blind-sided him with my emotional creativity .. he became shy .. hesitant .. unsure of himself. I know that.
Why did I do that? Why did I unleash so much emotional power and turn it against myself, and really, in a strong way, against him too? The last thing I wanted was to alienate the one person I wanted in my life more than anything else. Which was wrong. I shouldn't have wanted this therapist, I shouldn't have clung to him instead of my own DH, my kids, the family I had and don't have anymore.
Sh*t.
poster:Susan47
thread:688763
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/688763.html