Posted by Lindenblüte on September 20, 2006, at 9:39:39
In reply to Re: Looks like I'm here. ***suicide trigger*** » Lindenblüte, posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2006, at 9:11:07
I'm not ready to look at my post-it note again.
I'm just going to turn off for a day.
My head and my body are pretty exhausted.
I need to regenerate by doing? What else? How about some work on the diss? Some of that mindless, methodical, plug and chug?
*****
And, I'll tell you (and anyone else) if you say something that's offensive or hurtful. Right now, I guess everything (civil) is food for thought. My plate is full of strange exotic fare. Things I didn't know existed. Well, I'll sample here and there. If it tastes like bitter medicine- well, I'll just put it aside for later.
I think that we are ready to hear different things at different times. So, even if it makes no sense to me presently, maybe stuff made sense to me in the past, or it will in the future, or in another lifetime. There's no such thing as wasted wisdom when my ears are open and your intentions are sincere.
I know that the stuff I learned in my coursework is "psychology". I accept this and I know that the stuff I'm going through is par for the course. BUT that doesn't mean that experiencing a whirlwind of emotions or a constant chatter of voices isn't terrifying to me.
I also used my knowledge of psychology to put people in categories. A coping mechanism for me, because if I can say: "that's sick"; "that's healthy" etc., then I can always find some way to avoiding the train of thought that will put me into diagnostic criteria. That's one reason I avoided seeking help for so long. I could always say- I've only got 4/9 symptoms or whatever (when 5/9 are necessary). I could recognize this and do a little tweaking to help me from going over the edge into "insanity". What a laugh! What a fool I am! So I'd meditate, or go on a diet, or force myself to exercise, or work, or socialize or something to pull me out of the depressive slump, or the anxiety.
All the while, thinking that the disorder is a cluster of symptoms-- rather than thinking that the symptoms are a sign of fundamental problems in my psychological processes... Thinking that if I avoided "clinical criteria" for some disorder that my childhood was pretty okay afterall.
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:687467
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/687648.html