Posted by Lindenblüte on September 20, 2006, at 8:44:21
In reply to Re: Looks like I'm here for the long haul, posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2006, at 23:42:41
Hi Alex,
(you're a smartie. anyone tell you that lately? you give me lots to think about.)> Remembering is an activity that is done in the present.
>
> Remembering can be an activity of narration.
>
> Telling stories to make and remake oneself.
>
> There are facts, sure, but also, even more importantly there are interpretations of facts. Working out what those facts mean for our current lives. And that can be (very much so) an act of creation.
>
> People trying to figure out who they are...
> Casting their lives in a way that they feel able to live with themselves...
> Their fears and desires.
>
> An act of narration...
>
> Remember remembering is an activity in the present and the point is... Accepting yourself for what you are in the present and being better able to become who you want to be...
>
> Isn't it?Yep. The mantra I learned: Every act of recall leads to encoding. It's impossible to remember something without fundamentally changing the memory itself.
>
> Why did you initially go to therapy?
>
> Because you wanted to feel happier?
Um. Not really. I went to therapy because I was afraid of killing myself. I didn't think there was much chance of me feeling "happy". I didn't want to feel happier. I just wanted to stop suffering. I just wanted to be able to think clearer and not be obsessed with killing myself. I went to therapy because I thought it would be nice to get a little advice and a referral for a pdoc. I thought the drugs would help the symptoms and then I could get on with my "life".Oh well. Maybe this is how it's meant to be. Maybe all this stuff I did since April was all a prelude? Maybe...? I guess I have nothing to fear, really. I need to tell myself that. I'm not living with my family any longer. I don't NEED them. I'm completely, utterly, financially independent. It's a fantastic feeling--- or is it? I guess my next step is to figure out how I want to make them a part of my life.
Do you know how liberating it is that I don't *have* to love my dad? I don't *have* to love my brother? or my mother? That means-- that the love I truly experience- like with my husband, or my cat, or my little brother. THAT love is untainted by this mockery of love that is nothing but conditioned loyalty and socialization.
wow. now I can love. because I don't HAVE to. because I just DO.
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:687467
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/687632.html