Posted by Lindenblüte on September 19, 2006, at 17:34:24
Current T says that he's really satisfied with our work together. Says that I've come a long way. Says that I've said a lot of hard things.
My session was pretty cathartic. I said the bad stuff, the stuff I don't know, and the stuff I don't even want to contemplate.
He said that it's a good idea for me to start seeing a new T- someone who can give me more frequent sessions, and someone who won't be intimidating and triggering. He gave me a referral for a woman T. Said that she's really good.
I feel good about this. I feel like me and T have come pretty far together. I feel like he was a good stepping stone- pragmatic, tough, often triggering. Made me think a lot, and made me work really hard to communicate. And I feel like I'm ready to move on. I don't feel like I'm being kicked out. I feel like I'm going to another stage in this work. I'm ready to do some work on it now. I just got a boost. I'm ready to take a chance and strong enough to figure out how to get help. Even if it means that I have to take the lid off of a can of demons that threatens to destroy every relationship I've ever had.
And so- I think that changing my name, and changing my hair, and changing my T. well. It's like shedding an identity- a cloak of shame and secrets. I don't know what the future brings. But it won't be like the past.
I was also happy to hear that my T (by being part of a clinic-style setting) wasn't just pushing me off or avoiding making long-term committments because he didn't care. No-- that was just the nature of the organization. I think he really does care about me. He went to get me a fresh box of kleenexes. (there was only one in the box). and he came back and still had my last sentence in his head.
He's a good T. I'm a tricky client, but I knew that already. I'm glad that we were finally able to connect, even it it was only to figure out what to do next.
I'm pretty sure that I'll be winding down my visits with him this week. so! stay posted for the ongoing saga of Lindenblüte, termination-- new T-- new chances and new troubles.
And you know what I DON'T want to shed right now? It's Psycho-Babble. You guys helped me see so much. Even when I blew T out of the water today with my story of childhood trauma. He had no idea. But *I* did. I knew what was happening. You guys help me so much. I'm going to be here for a while. Hope you'll join me.
-Lindenblüte
p.s. You know what the best thing he said to me was? It was very spontaneous, and soft-spoken. He said, "Lindenblüte, you're a fighter". With all of his intensity, his quiet intensity.
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:687467
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/687467.html