Posted by alexandra_k on September 16, 2006, at 22:14:12
In reply to I am feeling some compassion for my husband, posted by happyflower on September 16, 2006, at 8:17:32
> he started confiding in me about things he does.
Sounds like he took a bit of a risk to confide something to you.
> I told him that he could get treatment for this stuff, but he has to talk to his doctor. He said he is too embarrest to talk about to him. Well I hope he does. I told him that if he wanted help, he had to seek it out.
Would you be able to offer to go with him to see his doctor? Would that help him go?
> So I feel bad for him, but yet I am still very angry at him.
I think that is really understandable. You can still keep some boundaries though (so that he knows you haven't forgiven him) while helpling him get to his doctor so that he can get a little help though.
I think it is understandable that you would feel conflicted...
He didn't want to go to a therapist because he has had bad experiences with therapists in the past, hasn't he? I'm not sure that I'm remembering correctly, sorry. I think the best treatment for OCD is a conjunction of meds and therapy so it would be good if he can get up some courage to do that.
It might be that...
He ends up with a therapist and as part of that... Learns to talk about his feelings and stuff... And maybe learns to... Talk to you and figure this stuff out.
I understand that you feel betrayed and that is really very understandable given the circumstances.
This isn't to condone what he did at all... Not to condone it at all...
But typically when that happens... It is an indicator that there are deeper problems there. I know this is fairly stereotypical... But typically men and women deal with those problems in different ways. Women seek external emotional connections (like going to therapy and / or talking to friends who understand better) and guys have a tendency to... Have a sexual affair. Different ways of dealing.
That isn't to condone it at all...
It is just to say that there might be hope...
Sometimes... Well you can't move on or forgive because... You need to know what happened why it happened you need to know that it isn't going to happen again. Sounds like you guys can't figure out those answers together (or you would have done so before now). But maybe if he gets a t... And talks to his t about how his homelife is stressful given what happened (which it must be)... You guys may be able to make some progress. To reduce tension and animosity and dis-ease if nothing else.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:686492
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686680.html