Posted by wishingstar on September 16, 2006, at 20:09:20
In reply to Re: and now I have no T » wishingstar, posted by Jost on September 15, 2006, at 14:26:46
I think I do agree with you on some level. Anne probably does care to some degree, and wants to be able to help, but is really just clueless about how to do so. She has made a LOT of bad decisions I feel.
The thing that is so frustrating to me is that she doesnt understand why I dont trust her. She seems like she's at a loss for why I dont and for knowing what she could possibly do to make me trust her. Oh, I dont know.. how about being reliable, calling when you say you will, validating how I feel for once? Not trying to trace my pain about her not calling this week back to my family (transference to her) during the 15 min phone call the other day? Doesnt she understand that part of this IS about her? I said that I think I'd have been upset even if I didnt grow up the way I did. I dont know if she believed that or not.
I guess to me, caring IS being reliable, emotionally present, etc. There are other things involved too of course, but those are key for me. Maybe that is skewed thinking, I dont know.
I have to say though, I truly do believe we were on the last leg of our relationship. From several things she said on the phone yesterday, it was very obvious to me that she wasnt sure I'd be coming back. We were on a 4 week trial period anyway, before she referred me off/I quit/etc, so it wasnt out of the blue. But you are right, it's easier to leave someone then have them leave you. That's why I did it on Friday. I truly dont believe I'm the one making the majority of the decision here - I mean yes, I did call and end it on Friday. So in theory, today she could still be my T if I hadnt done that. But next week, she wont be even if I hadnt called Friday. There was definitely some self protection in there (end it before she does) but I'm not sure I had a huge choice in whether it ended soon or not. Maybe I'm just too deep into it to see it otherwise, but in the end, she has as much of a say as I do in this situation. If she wont see me, she wont see me. But regardless of all that, regardless of the reason I'm not going back, I do know somewhere in me that it's a good thing. She wasnt helping me.
I wrote some about Laurie versus a new T in my response above to Poet. It's a big dilemma for me right now. I'm going to try to talk to Randy about it on Monday.
Thanks for your ideas.. definitely something to think about.
poster:wishingstar
thread:686074
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686662.html