Posted by wishingstar on July 17, 2006, at 12:25:53
In reply to Re: hospitalization » wishingstar, posted by Racer on July 16, 2006, at 22:24:48
You're right, my parents definitely dont provide any love or nurturing. In part, that is exactly what I'm looking for. That's probably part of what I've been looking for from my T for a long time as well. I think there's also a part of me though that just doesnt want to have to worry about being safe - doesnt want to have the debate or the possibility even there - for a time. I'm so tired and worn down from the constant battle in my head.
I do try to stay out of my parents house as much as possible by going out to do errands, out with friends, etc. Unfortunatley I dont really have a lot of friends, but I do spend a lot of time roaming the mall and similar, just to be out of the house. It seems to help. Distancing myself from them physically (and emotionally) is a trick I learned in high school and it has served me well (sometimes too well) ever since.
I wrote a little about trying to make up a problem or pick a small piece of everything to present for brief therapy at the center in my post to ElaineM. I have talked to my T about doing that, but we decided it probably wouldnt be the best thing for me. Then again, this isnt working either, so maybe it needs to be reconsidered. The trick would be to present well enough for brief counseling but badly enough to need meds. If they asked if I ever felt suicidal or had a history of SI, I would have to lie or be referred out (as I have been previously).
If I do end up leaving my current T then yes, I may find one at a center where I can also get meds. The only problem with that is that all the centers that do that are at least an hour away. I live in a small town and there is only one mental health center for the community, and I worked as a case manager for them for awhile, so being a patient would not be an option. But driving the hour would probably be worth it. If I do leave my current T, that is what I will do, but right now I'm trying to salvage my relationship with her. I know it sounds like I'm just full of excuses.. maybe I am. I dont know. I see my regular T this thursday and I'm going to talk about the issues I have with her, so that will probably answer those questions of whether or not it's salvagable.
I really dont think going home will make me feel any better. I dont think it's really related to being with my parents as much as self-esteem and other issues right now. Home has another whole set of issues which I voluntarily got myself into a year ago and am now paying the price for for another year. Why do I do these things to myself? Whine whine whine.
poster:wishingstar
thread:667573
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/667756.html