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Re: In love with your T scentedgarden

Posted by Fall Girl on June 17, 2006, at 9:34:40

In reply to My desire2 make love2 her..., posted by scentedgarden on June 10, 2006, at 6:50:09

Wow. What a powerful post. I have been dealing with feelings of "love" for my T., too, but felt kind of freakish about it. They started about a year after I began therapy (I'm now in for 2 years). At first, they stunned and immobilized me. I shut down, not quite understanding what was happening. I didn't start out feeling sexual love. I would get glimpses of me sitting in his lap, or sitting in his chair right next to him, and it seemed that I was just a small child. I could even see the ankle sox and patent leather shoes! Those feelings evolved to wishing that he could take me with him, that I could belong to him, that I could watch him to learn how it was to be an effective adult, that I could be absorbed under his skin. I get jealous when he goes on vacation with his family, or when I see that he has a suntan (how dare he leave me out!!) but I have never said that to him. I understood that that "little girl", unloved and un-cared-for was responding to him, but when my feelings began to have sexual tone, I couldn't explain that to myself. I have not mentioned it to him, but I am SURE it shows, anyway. H*ll, getting ready to go to my appointments has turned into something creepily like getting ready to go on a date. Most of the "fantasies" that I allow myself to know about in my own head involve him doing me: I'm subordinate to him, he's driving into me, and I am a source of great pleasure to him. Maybe it is just symbolic of something going on in our therapy. I love this man because he is a good man and I am getting out of therapy things that I have wanted my whole conscious life. I don't want to taint this or jeopardize it in any way, though I do know that I will be better off to discuss my feelings with him.

Thank you for being gutsy enough to share your feelings, scentedgarden. I, for one was helped by it! FG


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