Posted by Tamar on June 16, 2006, at 10:24:47
In reply to can professionals keep this a secret?, posted by ElaineM on June 16, 2006, at 9:41:38
Hi Elaine,
I don’t know the answer to your question about whether you doctor has to report him.
But I do know that he is taking advantage of your vulnerability.
His behaviour is completely inappropriate. It is not therapy. If the two of you want to have an actual friendship or relationship then he MUST stop meeting you for therapy and you must find a new therapist.
I am probably more open-minded than many people about boundaries. I think it’s possible for a therapist to give a client flowers and even in certain circumstances to meet outside the office. In certain circumstances it could be therapeutic.
However, it is NEVER appropriate for a therapist to tell a client that touching her makes him forget his troubles, and that he likes that she can help him with his problems.
A therapist who has sex with a client is a sexual predator. If that’s what he’s aiming for, then he is dangerous. Sexual predators can be very nice and sweet and charming, but once they have you where they want you they can also intimidate and bully you. It is extremely difficult to escape from an abusive relationship because he makes you feel good about yourself and very very bad about yourself at the same time.
I’m saying all this because it sounds to me as if you are quite ambivalent about the existing relationship and also about where it might lead. It sounds to me (forgive me if I’m wrong) as if you want it to happen at the same time as hoping it won’t happen. And that’s totally normal in your circumstances.
I don’t know what advice your GP might give you. My advice would be to terminate tomorrow. I think you are in genuine danger, and you need to find a new therapist. I hope I’m not alarming you too much, but I recognise all the danger signs.
I suspect you don’t want to terminate tomorrow. Perhaps you love him, or at least are very fond of him. Perhaps you’re attracted to him or at least physically interested in him. Perhaps he seems like the only source of support in your life.
And yet, it sounds as if you also know that what he’s doing is wrong. And maybe you think that this time it will be OK; that the problems other people have with boundary crossings will not apply to you. Maybe you think you can handle it.
It has to be your own decision. I’m not going to tell you what to do. I don’t know if I could walk away from my therapist if he behaved towards me the ways yours does. I adore my therapist. I’d love the attention and the mutuality of boundary crossings. I’m very attracted to my therapist and if I thought he wanted to have sex with me I’d be very tempted. So I’ll never criticise you if you don’t leave him, because I don’t know whether I could follow this advice if I were in your situation.
I sort of hope your GP encourages you to report him, even though I’m sure it’s not what you want. I think it would be helpful for you to have the support of a doctor or another therapist to get you through this.
This probably isn’t the answer you wanted to hear. I’m sorry if it hurts or upsets you. And if you decide to stay with him I won’t judge you.
I hope everything works out well for you.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:657557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/657572.html