Posted by orchid on June 15, 2006, at 12:42:00
In reply to Re: You know what I think :-) » orchid, posted by Tamar on June 15, 2006, at 5:31:18
Tamar,
I can very well understand how you feel about giving up this T and searching someone who is better able to help you.I was in the same situation with my first T. I had huge transference towards him, but I also knew long back (much longer even before it came to termination), that it was not working out well. I kept trying to get some understanding and words out from his mouth. But it never happened. Maybe there were other factors like emails and distance etc etc in my therapy and he was also very inexperienced, but nevertheless, I kept sticking on to the relationship beyond the point where I knew it wasn't working out at all. And he did suggest many times that I should see someone else here, but somehow that didn't materialise.
You know very well what happened at the end. We both stretched it beyond the point of wearing it out, and then it ended pretty badly. And it hurt me quite so much.
Retrospectively, I think, if I had picked up the courage to leave him long before, and found someone else here with who I could have worked it out better, then maybe I could have even continued sort of once in a while email contact with him, and it wouldn't have ended so badly. I mean, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You are not choosing a different father, but you are seeking out someone who can serve as a role model and perhaps like a teacher. Your real father can be your T (and from my experience, it will always be that way), but that doesn't have to prevent you from associating with other people and learning from them what will serve only to your betterment.
And really, I think if you continue with your T knowing full well he is not helping you as much as he should, it will end up frustrating you and you will end up feeling bitter and angry towards him. And it doesn't serve your Ts interests well too - he will realize he is not able to help you, and that will make him bitter too. It is much better to get out when it is in a decent shape, and reserving the possibility to see him at a later point.
Just my 2 cents.
poster:orchid
thread:656487
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/657254.html