Posted by All Done on May 31, 2006, at 13:20:19
In reply to Re: Is it always more important to talk about it? » All Done, posted by annierose on May 31, 2006, at 6:55:14
> I'm conflicted. I too think I want to know more about my T, about her real life, her family, etc. But then I think back to the possibility of actually running into her on vacation last Easter, with her family, and how anxious that made me feel, actually sick to my stomach, and I realized there must be a reason it's best we do not know about them.
It’s amazing how the tidbits of information I’ve gotten about my T have affected me and all the transference. I try to let my imagination run with whatever I’ve learned and share that with him. It almost always leads to discussions that tell us a lot more about me than if I had just tried to tell him “everything”. I usually end up surprising myself with what I’m feeling.
That said, I’ve never run into him outside of the office. That would probably make me very anxious as his real life is probably nothing like the life I’ve created in my head for him.
> Now I did ask my T if she ever thinks about me outside her office. And she said, "Yes". I should have followed up, "In what context?", but I didn't. She said, "I'm a human being. I couldn't do this job if I didn't care about my clients." A year ago she began a session, "I just saw a (this movie) and I thought of you. Have you seen it?" I didn't but I went out to see it.I’ve made it very clear to my T that I want him to think about me more than just during my sessions. I spent the better part of my youth alone and that didn’t seem to matter much to anyone. I wish they would have noticed or cared how I was feeling, but my mom, for one, is very good about putting herself first. She always assumed I was fine instead of wondering or asking how I’m really doing.
Anyway, he knows it’s important to me and actually called me once during a difficult time just to let me know he was thinking about me and wondering how I’m doing.
It’s nice when they tell us and show us that they care, isn’t it?
> When I read your post, I wished after you asked, "Have you ever had a dream about me?", you let the question hang there. I've been asking more questions and I just let them sit in the room for awhile. It's hard and can be uncomfortble. Sometimes she surprises me with wonderful, thoughtful answers. And it's in those answers that I hear how much she does care about me.I guess this one was just too uncomfortable for me.
> I think it's human nature to want to know about someone that we love so deeply. Our T's are so important to us, we care about their feelings, and we want them to like us back. We are interested in knowing them too.I told him I want him to love me back. After he asked if I thought he could love me, I said I thought it was possible, he just couldn’t ever tell me, if he did. He said maybe it depended on the circumstances (of the therapy and the client). He’d have to give it a lot of thought.
> Talking therapy. The most complex, difficult, loving, rewarding relationship.You forgot exhausting. ;)
Thanks, annierose. It’s always nice to hear from you. How are you doing?Laurie
poster:All Done
thread:650795
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060526/msgs/651045.html