Posted by milly on April 18, 2006, at 16:04:41
In reply to Re: frightful row, posted by muffled on April 17, 2006, at 23:13:52
> Hey Milly,
> how does the preacher part cause trouble? Is it just that he's so busy?** partly that but also there is a tendancy for him to be able to 'be there' for others but not actually 'present' for me. Plus he has had a hard time with my reaction to my faith (or rather the destruction of it)When I really needed it, I couldn't find it and I felt so utterly utterly alone.
> Men can be dense, but us women folk, well hell, we practically perfect in every way eh!!!!!Kidding of course!!
> Are you not able to sit and talk rationally with him?** Yes but I have been so used to accepting that everything was probably my fault and now since therapy I am much more opinionated and unable to accept things which he is finding hard to cope with
> Or mebbe the basic 'show him you love him' approach is better.(not meaning sex)By special little things. Notes, meals, snuggles, touches, telling him you appeciate what he does for you etc.
** I have really been trying today since I read your post and he noticed and asked if I was after something!!!!
> I read a book called the love languages of children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. I think there's an adult version too. Its a good book to read so you can focus on what might most please your hubby and make him feel loved and appreciated.
** yep I got the teenage one but haven't actually read it yet!!
> However, I am making the large assumption that you DO love him. Mebbe you don't?
** Ok that stung! I DO love him, he is a good man he deserves better than me, everyone thinks the sun shines out his *ss and must be a saint to cope with me! but during therapy it became apparent that alot of my 'love' is based on gratitude. He knows nothing of the rape, he believes I was 'pure' but I honestly thought it was tatooed on my head and so when he asked me to marry him i jumped at it as I was so amazed that anyone would want 'damaged goods'. Also I though for once my M&D would approve of something about me!
I DO love him but therapy has given me a little self worth, my T wanted to spend time with me not because I was funny or because I could provide anything for him but simply because I was ME and that was amazing to be seen as me, not the nurse, not the ministers wife, not the girls mum, not the one embroiled in the scandal at school just ME
Thanks I needed that wake up call, I DO love him
milly
poster:milly
thread:633909
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060406/msgs/634519.html