Posted by Racer on March 22, 2006, at 22:52:59
In reply to Re: But I don't *want* to have been an abused child!, posted by Emily Elizabeth on March 22, 2006, at 22:36:59
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> You talk abt the importance of taking responsibility. Is this something that you learned in therapy?
>No, taht actually came from the same people who were abusive. I wasn't allowed to say that anyone had done anything to me, that was an excuse. That was me trying to get out of taking responsibility.
It's actually the reason you'll see me, now and again, point out to someone here that they say "I was abused," "I got myself attacked," etc. "No, someone did that TO you..." It's because I can't get there myself.
And I got the "To understand all is to forgive all, so why would so'n'so do something like that? Once you understand why, you can forgive..." What got lost in all that was that I never learned to be angry, to feel hurt without feeling guilty for not being "good enough" at that whole "understand/forgive" thing.
Oh, and in talking about this, tonight, here, I just realized I got hit with a big wave of "you're wallowing in it..."
All of which is part and parcel of what my T is talking about as abuse. (Along with other things -- CSA, my cousin coming after me with a baseball bat and no adult stepping in, that sort of thing.) And she wants me to STOP trying to 'take responsibility' for it, and be angry with the people who actually did these things.
It's hard. I've got more than 40 years of not doing that, of feeling as though it's up to me to make things right.
{sigh} I'm just rambling now. I'm gonna go start cooking...
'Night, all.
poster:Racer
thread:623482
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/623533.html