Posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 19:35:18
In reply to victim or perpetrator *trigger*, posted by B2chica on January 26, 2006, at 10:53:52
> ok, so most of you know about my brother and how he abused me sexually growing up. well once i told my T about my mother and the things she'd do he told me that most likely my mother was doing those same things to him, and he was just copycating onto me. so i'm struggling right now cuz i was just starting to be able to get mad at my brother but now if i see him as a victim then my head says "no, can't be mad at him, he couldn't help it".
(((((B2Chica)))))
> i'm torn up inside.
It's difficult. He probably knew that what he was doing to you was wrong, because he knew that what your 'mother' was doing to him was wrong. But people often repeat what's done to them.
> help me.
Well... you brother isn't completely free of guilt in all this (IMHO). He hurt you; there's no denying that. Even if there are compelling reasons to feel some compassion for him, he still hurt you. Your compassion for him might temper your feelings of rage towards him, but you are still entitled to those feelings of rage, because he really did hurt you. And even if you acknowledge that he might have been a victim too, you nevertheless need to acknowledge that he victimised you and that was wrong and hurtful.
> i think the little girl is starting to come out.
> i can't seem to function well at work today.
> i'm scared, don't want to move.
> you can't make me...yes you can, anyone can. i always end up doing what i don't want to do and what scares me and makes me feel uncomfortable. no one to tell, no one cares. they won't listen, i can't tell.We care. You can tell us. We will never blame you and we will always believe you.
> things are starting to get fuzzy.
> schools not any better.
>
> little b2.(((((little B2)))))
I know it's hard when you feel no one will believe you. But this is one place where you'll always be blelieved. No one here will accuse you of lying. People here will be sympathetic. We care about what happened to you. Similar things have happened to some of the people here. I liked Muffly's reply to you. I think it's good for our little ones to talk to each other. Maybe that way our little ones can find some acceptance among inside kids their own ages...
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:602994
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/603147.html