Posted by Emily Elizabeth on January 15, 2006, at 22:38:51
In reply to Advice and possible explanation of behavior?, posted by Racer on January 14, 2006, at 16:44:16
Ah Racer--a kindred spirit! I must tell you that I have more than one friend who has put me in this position. Which, of course, says just as much about me and my issues as it does about the other person. (My mom always wants to be taken care of, blah, blah..) Which brings me to my suggestion #1...it is worth thinking about it your own therapy. Even if it is 99% them, it is 1% you. You have the power to use the knowledge gained from the 1% to help you in other areas of your life.
However, you also need some real life plans to help you not feel overwhelmed/pushed around by this person. This can be a firm but kind statement, "I'm sorry, you know I wish that you were feeling better, but there are some things going on in my personal life right now. I really need to take care of myself. I know that you will understand." Or it can be caller ID so that you screen out calls from her when it is not a time that you want to(are able to) help her. Or you can think of a few white lies to get you out of things. "I'm sorry I can't help you cleanup today because I already promised my church that I'd volunteer and they'd be stuck w/o me."
It sounds like things are pretty clear for you in this post: she is asking for more from you than you can be reasonably be expected to give. Remind yourself of that next time she asks for something. And the above posts also have some good comments and suggestions about how "helping" her isn't really going to help her. Remind yourself of that too.
Hope you find some of this helpful!
Best,
EE
poster:Emily Elizabeth
thread:599087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/599501.html