Posted by fallsfall on January 10, 2006, at 11:33:03
In reply to Re: Talking about anger » fairywings, posted by annierose on January 10, 2006, at 8:58:12
What important work, Annierose.
I can see how she was being supportive "It's important not to brush those feelings under the carpet" - meaning that what you were saying was good because you weren't brushing them under the carpet.
I can see how you saw it as being critical "It's important not to brush those feelings under the carpet" - correcting you for brushing them under the carpet.
The same words. It just depends on what your expectations are how you will hear them.
I have that critical filter on ALL the time. So much so that he has started saying things like "You need to talk about those things. - like you are doing now". Maybe some day he won't have to qualify things so much.
These expectations that we have - these filters - are what transference is all about. For me, my dad was always very demanding - I never did well enough to suit him. So the things that he said *were* criticisms. Because I learned that such statements were going to be criticisms, now I *expect* such statements to be criticisms. Sort of like I'm programmed to hear them as criticisms. That is what transference is all about. I assume that my therapist has the same motivations that my dad had. Fortunately, he doesn't!
Thanks for the clear example. It is easier to understand these things sometimes if we look at someone else!
poster:fallsfall
thread:597312
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/597556.html