Posted by allisonross on November 30, 2005, at 4:14:55
In reply to Unconscious Seduction - long, posted by daisym on November 30, 2005, at 0:50:26
Dearest Daisy (my favorite flower). Yes, I am having this experience. (This might be a long post). I could write a book on what has happened between my T and I.
Sounds like you have a wonderful t. I've always believed that my t is the best on the planet, and he agrees (LOL).
I don't believe that ANYTHING you say to him, will throw him---that is his profession. My t says that "as long as we talk about it, it (it--being my feelings for him) it isn't dangererous."
I waited over a year before (took guts) I told him of my feelings for him. It handled it so delicately and sensitively.
He said that his "colleagues would tell him to run fast and far, but that he would never abandon me." Most of me believes that, but there is a little part that wonders. He said that "every man in my life has failed me." That is true; beginning with never knowing my father.
He always wants to talk about whatever is "real." It scares me, but I bring up the hard stuff. One of my favorite words (he uses), is "authentic" and I believe in being authentic.
I know he has feelings for me (we've been together for 3 years). I went to him because of "spiritual abuse", and he is an expert in that. My church voted me out of a 31-year membership, because I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse; and he journyed with me for 18 months.
Something beautiful came from the ashes of that nightmare:www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com
He said: "I am afraid that I am going to fall, and that would ruin my life." How I love his honesty and authenticity. He is forthcoming, and not afraid to talk about what is "real."
I know I am hungry, clingy and needy, but he doesn't see that. After 31 years of abuse, and now being alone is...excruciating.
Gee, I don't know if any of this is helpful to you, and I don't mean to make it all about myself, but perhaps you might resonate with some of it.
Therapists understand the abandonment issue, and try to reassure you that they will NOT abandon you, but we fight the emotional stuff.
After my t found out about my feelings for him, he decided that we should stay together, because as he said: "You've convinced me that we can still do good work together." And we do!
I told him that there will always be that "elephant in the living room" with us.
I have loved him for 2 years, and every week it is always painful---pain mixed with pleasure. Unrequited love is terrible. My t understands this, and shared his experience with this.
The best thought I have, is to just be honest/authentic about anything you say to your t. Try not to worry about HIM---that is his job, to understand you and help you.
I will write more, but need to go back and see some of what you have said, and will respond to it.
Love, hugs, smiles and understanding.
AllyP.S. My t said: "If I were to give you the green light, you would go for it?" I said: "yes"....oooo, scary, but true.
I've only felt this way about 2 other men in my life---the soul-mate thing. (None of them were therapists). I told him that I felt he was ME, in male formTHe way I see it, is love...is love. It doesn't matter why. If I had met him anywhere else, I would feel exactly the same way.
Our feelings are REAL..they are facts, not dangerous or wrong....they just ARE, and should be honored and respected
I don't believe that there is anything....that is "too much" for your t to handle. That is what he does...handle people's feelings....ALL of them.
My t said "who WOULDN'T love you?!' When I asked if that included him, he wouldn't answer. I know the answer. Well, I could babble on for hours, but will stop here.
Hugs again, Ally
poster:allisonross
thread:583595
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051130/msgs/583620.html