Posted by allisonross on November 22, 2005, at 9:00:21
In reply to Too sensitive -- need advice, posted by daisym on November 22, 2005, at 0:44:54
> Dear Daisy: I don't think there is such a thing as being TOO sensitive (I have been accused of that); we all have feelings. They are simply.....facts
They are trying to tell us something, if we listen, and gt t know ourselves.
I've become ultra sensitive in therapy. I get upset so easily and half the time I don't even know why I'm upset. Someone help me sort out today, because it happened again.
i think the best thing to do is tell your t EXACTLY what you are saying here, and thinking; that is the ONLY way you can figure it out.
>
> We spent most of the session talking about my relationship with my husband. I said I'd been thinking about this idea that I let him hold all the anger because I can't tolerate my own. But lately things seem slightly easier between us -- we aren't fighting as much and my husband doesn't seem as unhappy as he did this summer. My therapist wondered if it was because I'm owning my anger a little more, balancing things out some. I really don't know. We kept exploring this -- talking about my husband's feelings, behavior and possible motives. And I felt more and more upset.This the point where you should have said that.
I asked my therapist "if you were treating my husband, what would you say to him about a wife who has been really depressed, isn't any fun and doesn't enjoy sex with you?" He wanted to know why I was asking and why I look like I was going to cry.
>
> I finally told him that I felt like we had let my husband invade our session and I didn't want to share.Excellent!
That perhaps my husband needed my therapist more than I did but I wanted to be selfish
That is NOT selfish. You are there to have YOUR need taken care of.
and for once have things be about me. And yet I knew that we couldn't talk about my needs and my life without talking about my husband and his needs and wants.
Why not?
I said I felt like I was being totally unfair and irrational. I also said the intensity of these feelings didn't match our conversation. And yet I was really upset with my therapist and wanted something from him I wasn't getting and couldn't articulate.
You should have said this. Perhaps (and he should!) explore this stuff with you, and help you figure it out!
>
> So -- was I upset because I had such a tough weekend that all I wanted was tea and sympathy?And you should have had it!
>
> Or -- did the younger parts not get a chance to reconnect or talk?
>
> Or -- did it feel like my therapist was "taking sides" by trying to explore my husband's angry behavior, instead of just telling me that it was unacceptable?Sounds like it. Is that what it feels like to you?
Does he think I'm being unfair because I can't/won't talk to my husband about what we are working on in therapy?
your therapy is private. you get to decide who you share it with.
Ask him.
>
> WHY AM I STILL SO UPSET ABOUT TODAY'S SESSION --7 HOURS LATER???Sounds like you just said why, in what you posted above (feeling not heard, frustrated, angry and sad at not being validated by your therapist, the ONE person you expect that from)
>
> I've got to get past these kinds of reactions because I find myself in a dark place feeling alone and scared. And that just isn't good right now. How do you force yourself to not be so fragile?I don't think that is possible. you must honor your feelings and thoughts; they are what tells you who you are. We are.....who we ARE, and that should be honored and valued.
Feelings are not right or wrong....they just....are
hugs and love, Ally (who is trying to heal from 31 years of abusive marriage, and just finding out the ex has a girlfriend after only 5 months)
Ya gotta luv life; ya never know wht will happen next.
poster:allisonross
thread:581132
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/581192.html