Posted by daisym on November 22, 2005, at 0:44:54
I've become ultra sensitive in therapy. I get upset so easily and half the time I don't even know why I'm upset. Someone help me sort out today, because it happened again.
We spent most of the session talking about my relationship with my husband. I said I'd been thinking about this idea that I let him hold all the anger because I can't tolerate my own. But lately things seem slightly easier between us -- we aren't fighting as much and my husband doesn't seem as unhappy as he did this summer. My therapist wondered if it was because I'm owning my anger a little more, balancing things out some. I really don't know. We kept exploring this -- talking about my husband's feelings, behavior and possible motives. And I felt more and more upset. I asked my therapist "if you were treating my husband, what would you say to him about a wife who has been really depressed, isn't any fun and doesn't enjoy sex with you?" He wanted to know why I was asking and why I look like I was going to cry.
I finally told him that I felt like we had let my husband invade our session and I didn't want to share. That perhaps my husband needed my therapist more than I did but I wanted to be selfish and for once have things be about me. And yet I knew that we couldn't talk about my needs and my life without talking about my husband and his needs and wants. I said I felt like I was being totally unfair and irrational. I also said the intensity of these feelings didn't match our conversation. And yet I was really upset with my therapist and wanted something from him I wasn't getting and couldn't articulate.
So -- was I upset because I had such a tough weekend that all I wanted was tea and sympathy?
Or -- did the younger parts not get a chance to reconnect or talk?
Or -- did it feel like my therapist was "taking sides" by trying to explore my husband's angry behavior, instead of just telling me that it was unacceptable? Does he think I'm being unfair because I can't/won't talk to my husband about what we are working on in therapy?
WHY AM I STILL SO UPSET ABOUT TODAY'S SESSION --7 HOURS LATER???
I've got to get past these kinds of reactions because I find myself in a dark place feeling alone and scared. And that just isn't good right now. How do you force yourself to not be so fragile?
poster:daisym
thread:581132
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/581132.html