Posted by allisonross on November 16, 2005, at 10:58:27
In reply to is it real....possible trigger, posted by B2chica on November 16, 2005, at 9:25:21
> Hi, sweetie: I am so sorry. i feel your anguish in your words.
i had a session with my T yesterday, i don't think it went well. i started off by telling him i was feeling afraid of him.
What did he say about that? he should have responded.
i started to get a little pissed off, then i kept (as he puts it) punishing myself verbally, i told him i deserved it. then i started to get even more pi$$ed off cuz he kept say no your worth much more etc.
This is all well and good to SAY to you, but if you don't FEEL that way, it won't help you.
> when i left his session i was ticked, went home and still ticked and starting to get exhausted. then it hit and all i could do was stare to i went to bed and listed to music....MAN did i ever want to cut, i even told T that i was going to, and in my mind there's nothing he could do to stop me.
What was his response to that?
when i was on my bed listening to music if i could have moved i would have gotten a knife and started in but it's like i couldn't even move, then i started to cry.
> my T said something that i remembered and it triggered crying. he said i have a lot to grieve about.it sounds as if you do. I understand. I have a lifetime to grieve.
> then the thoughts started and i wanted to post this last night.
> this is how i feel now.
>
> is this real? did these things that i've talked about really happen and happen to me? did i imagine it? did i make it up? i want T to tell me he doesn't believe me and that i made it all up. it doesn't seem real. i want him to say i'm lying. it feels like i am. i just don't think i can stand it if it was all real. the feelings are scaring me. i need someone to hang on to.
> please tell me you understand?I do, sweetie: How can I help?
> i just can't believe this stuff that's spewed out of my mouth is for real.
I am very proud of you for bringing the ugliness up and out---that is the ONLY way you can heal, as painful as it is......is to talk about it;
look right at it, walk through the pain.......that is the 1st step in the journey to beginning to heal. it is scary, difficult work, but well worth the effort, sweetie!
Try to be gentle with yourself...little baby steps, a little at a time.......think of yourself, if you can as your own best friend. How would you treat her?
>
> unsure of everything.I understand that.
Hugs and love, Ally (e-mail me, if you wish: wacalice@aol.com)
> b2c.
poster:allisonross
thread:579277
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/579306.html