Posted by B2chica on November 16, 2005, at 9:25:21
i had a session with my T yesterday, i don't think it went well. i started off by telling him i was feeling afraid of him. i started to get a little pissed off, then i kept (as he puts it) punishing myself verbally, i told him i deserved it. then i started to get even more pi$$ed off cuz he kept say no your worth much more etc.
when i left his session i was ticked, went home and still ticked and starting to get exhausted. then it hit and all i could do was stare to i went to bed and listed to music....MAN did i ever want to cut, i even told T that i was going to, and in my mind there's nothing he could do to stop me. when i was on my bed listening to music if i could have moved i would have gotten a knife and started in but it's like i couldn't even move, then i started to cry.
my T said something that i remembered and it triggered crying. he said i have a lot to grieve about.
then the thoughts started and i wanted to post this last night.
this is how i feel now.is this real? did these things that i've talked about really happen and happen to me? did i imagine it? did i make it up? i want T to tell me he doesn't believe me and that i made it all up. it doesn't seem real. i want him to say i'm lying. it feels like i am. i just don't think i can stand it if it was all real. the feelings are scaring me. i need someone to hang on to.
please tell me you understand?
i just can't believe this stuff that's spewed out of my mouth is for real.unsure of everything.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:579277
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/579277.html