Posted by B2chica on November 10, 2005, at 9:57:18
In reply to Re: going to say...but**trigger** » B2chica, posted by daisym on November 9, 2005, at 19:45:17
> You need to do what you need to do. Write it, scream it, whisper it... and as many times as you want/need to. You don't need to protect those who hurt you. Your hurt doesn't diminish anyone else's hurt, there are no comparisons.
>
> Asking the question: "did the REALLY happen?" is understandable. We were conditioned to not believe our own instincts or feelings. We were told it doesn't hurt, or you like this, or you deserve this...how can we trust ourselves now?
>
> Strange that you should post this today, because I asked again today, "what happened was bad, right? And it did happen -- it isn't just a nightmare? And you believe me, right?" I look straight into his eyes and he never flinches, he just says, "yes, it was bad. Yes I believe you. And yes, I'm sorry, this really happened to you." I always feel sort of stupid asking those questions, like I should already know, but I NEED to -- some part of me needs him to confirm that I have good reason to feel this bad.
>
> Hang in there. You are doing the hard stuff. I'm proud of you and here to listen.
> Hugs from me,
> Daisy
daisy,
your post made me cry. i do feel like once isn't enough. i told my t everything and i thought i'd be done with it. now i feel like i keep needing to say it and that disgusts me.
when you wrote: We were told it doesn't hurt, or you like this, or you deserve this...how can we trust ourselves now?
i broke into tears. these are the EXACT words they used. especially my brother, he always in a soft voice kept saying "just a little more, you'll like it". that phrase haunts me. i HATE IT, i want to scream NO, NOT just alittle more, STOP NOW. but its too late, i was too slow, stupid, in disbelief and scared.
and i've asked my t that also, what he did was wrong right? he said yes.
-its so true, like some part of me needs to hear that i have a good reason to feel this bad.My GOD how wonderful you are. you've put to words what i couldn't. i think i'll take them in today. i was considering cancelling...cuz were going to tear apart some of the images today and i'm getting cold feet. but after reading what you wrote, i'll copy it and take it in so i have something to say even if i can't start of the tearing today.
thank you so much daisym.
i'll take those hugs.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:577105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/577414.html