Posted by allisonross on November 9, 2005, at 14:04:53
In reply to going to say...but**trigger**, posted by B2chica on November 9, 2005, at 12:27:27
>Hi, Bc2.
Newbie here
Hi, sweetie:
I am an overcomer (I prefer that word, instead of survivor) of 31 years of abusive marriage, and a childhood of abuse and being molested.
i had a message all typed out (twice) and ready to submit but i just can't do it, delete, delete.
> there is something that i need to say outloud and Just can't do it. my t knows it, my pdoc knows it, you all even know it, but i just can't say it. why? because i still don't feel like it applies to me. like i have nothing to b!tch about, i'm a lucky one cuz nothing ever happened that caused permanent damage.What do you see as permanent damage? Even ONE incident of molestation can cause lifelong problems. A scattergun effect.....drinking, drugs, physical problems; the list is endless. i won't bother to go into here.
>
> ok...i was...quickly-> i was sexually abused by my brother and neighbor boy from about age 7 to 11.
> there...proud of you for (even) writing it. Takes courage!
>
> i don't even need any replies i just, well i just had to say it.
> do i need to convince myself?You mean that it really happened?
could i be wrong? could my T be wrong? what if it really wasnt that bad
Being molested is horrific; a crime.
We all do what we need to to stay out of pain; if we can make a traumatic incident smaller in our minds, it helps us to cope with it
Are you saying (I find this with abuse survivors), that other people's stuff is far worse than yours? I know i feel that way.
Like I shoudn't bring up what happened to me, because someone else's stuff is so much more horrific.
That is like saying you were a LITTLE abused, or that it was just a little rape. Would you say you were a "little" molested? See how we can minimize?
and by saying that it was i'm demeaning those that really did suffer?
Why do you think that YOU did not suffer?
We all are traumatized and in pain when abused by anyone by any kind of abuse. We all process it differently; but pain....is pain.
> god I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I know.
>
> is my anger is starting to rise??That could be good. That could be a first step in getting "it" out....and healing. Little baby steps, a little at a time.
> when will this end?I don't have the answers, dear new friend, but have you told your T yet? I get by what you said, that you have not?
I believe that the key to healing from ANYthing, is to get it out, talk about it (easier said than done, I know).
This anguish and pain is like a huge cancer growing inside, and unless "we" open it up (operate on it if you like), it will eat us alive. you deserve to start healing; you are a precious person on the planet.
i'm starting to think about death again, but this time i'm not depressed. don't worry i'm not a danger to myself. their thoughts, not ready to act them out.
Can you be open/authentic with your T and tell him this?
Feel free to e-mail me: wacalice@aol.com
Love, Ally
> b2c
poster:allisonross
thread:577105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/577130.html