Posted by Shortelise on October 26, 2005, at 11:32:31
In reply to Re: The Hug I can't have » B2chica, posted by antigua on October 26, 2005, at 10:28:47
Antigua, I can't possibly write the conversation I'd love to have with you about this. This forum stuff is great, but sometimes I wish I could sit down with some writers here and have a long afternoon's discussion.
I am hesitating, have come back to the top here to write a bit of a warning, but I have written what I have because ... I think it might help.
You probably know this, but I'll say it anyway: we go to these T's, vomit out everything, and hope they can help us connect the dots. Sometimes they are wrong, sometimes they are right. A good T is right more often than she is wrong. A very good T helps those of us who are able get to a place where we can see the truths clearly for ourselves.
I need things pointed out to me for the most part. I have a very good T.
My point is this: try it on for size.A hug is innocent love. It's safe. I hug you because I care about you, I hug you because I want to show you in a safe, physical way that I care about you. A hug from me is a warm, caring, physical show of affection and it's a soft, warm, safe and accepting place to be.
To want that from a father figure after your father abused you, well, could be a restoration of innocence or a reassurance that such innocent things can exist for you.
That you would allow yourself to be hugged by a father figure and NOT be abused, could that reaffirm that your vulnerability was not the cause of the abuse, but was the choice of your abuser? That sort of proves your innocence, which might still need proving in your mind. That's a shot in the dark, and is so very personal that I half want to delete it, but it might be helpful to think about.
There are several men in my life (I am a 50 year old married woman) who would be happy to give me a long, safe, affectionate hug. And I wouldn't hesitate to ask. What you want is not some mad desire, some unrealistic thing: it's a nice hug from somone who cares about you. You want to see how it feels. I think you deserve to.
((antigua))
poster:Shortelise
thread:572044
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/572082.html