Posted by Tamar on October 26, 2005, at 11:04:57
In reply to The Hug I can't have, posted by antigua on October 26, 2005, at 9:51:33
> My T said something really interesting to me today that I thought I would run by you guys. In my case, she says the hug I want so desperatly from a man is the desire to be told that everything will be o.k., and that I think that will return me to that state of innocence before the abuse. I can never go back to my state of innocence, but it's what I want she says, and in my mind that is what I equate with the hug. What do you think?
I think that’s really interesting. It’s certainly a very similar thing to my desire for a hug from a man. I think for me there’s also something about reassurance that men can be safe and loving… that masculinity isn’t inherently perverted and destructive.
Of course I don’t *actually* think that masculinity is inherently perverted and destructive, but at some level I’m still a little afraid…
It’s true that you can’t go back to your state of innocence before the abuse. But although everything can’t be perfect, it can improve. I think your therapist’s idea makes a lot of sense.
I remember the first time I talked to my therapist about being raped. That evening I went to see a friend and her husband. And of course I’d been feeling pretty emotional all day, but hadn’t talked about it to anyone. When I arrived at their house, her husband opened the door and hugged me and it was just about the best hug I’ve ever had. It was the nearest thing I could imagine to the hug I wanted, maybe because of how I was feeling that day. It didn’t make everything go away, but it was three seconds of safety that were completely wonderful.
I hope you find a hug like that soon.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:572044
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/572073.html