Posted by Tamar on October 25, 2005, at 15:52:51
In reply to Re: Does regression mean you haven't worked out fully? » JenStar, posted by orchid on October 25, 2005, at 14:25:33
Hi Orchid,
I find it happens to me too. Some days the transference will all come flooding back. I can’t always identify a reason why (although sometimes it’s obvious why it’s happening).
And, like you, I usually feel embarrassed and ashamed. However, a few times recently it’s been a little different: I’ve felt the intense feelings of love but it’s been like the feelings of love for someone who’s simply no longer there rather than the shame of love that was rejected. So I hope that means it’ll start getting a bit easier. And I hope it will get easier for you too.
> I feel like I am untouchable and feel so ashamed that I wrote to him so much.
The word ‘untouchable’ is precisely the word that comes to my mind when I feel like this. It’s horrible, isn’t it? I just want to be hugged but I feel I’m too disgusting for anyone to want to touch me.
> Maybe I am still not quite at peace with my feelings and the troubled feelings come up every once in a while.
I think feeling completely at peace takes a long time. Old feelings can continue to return for a while. If you continue to feel well, I think they should get less disruptive eventually.
One thing I’ve been trying to get my head around recently is the distinction between transference and attachment. I think perhaps I’ve been calling all of my feelings transference when in fact a great deal of it was attachment. And somehow attachment doesn’t feel as embarrassing to me as transference. Of course, I realise I’m talking about theoretical ideas that I haven’t studied and whose meanings are open to debate… so I’m prepared to be put right by people who know better!
Anyway, I’m in a place now where I (mostly) feel that it was OK to want to be near him and to want him to be part of my life. I’m still a bit embarrassed that I wanted to tear off his clothes, but I keep telling myself that it was probably inevitable in the circumstances… Maybe I’ll believe myself one day!
I hope you can find a way to come to believe that it was OK and perfectly appropriate for you to experience those feelings for your therapist, and that they’re nothing to be ashamed of.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:571410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/571777.html