Posted by fairywings on October 13, 2005, at 20:56:48
Saw my T tonight, and I don't really know what happened, but now I have very confused feelings.
I just started therapy with this T 8 weeks ago, maybe 9. Anyway in writing I've told him a lot about how things were growing up, and we've talked about it some, but I didn't think that much.Tonight he asked if I felt better with all of it, if I'd been able to forgive my parents, esp my father, and if I thought I was able to move on. ??? I don't get it. I'm supposed to be able to move on just like that? I told him no I don't feel better, no I hadn't forgiven him, and no I wasn't ready to move on. He asked me how I could do that. What would make it better, so that I could move on. I don't get it. How am I supposed to move on? How am I supposed to feel better about it? I thought that's what he was there for. Anyway, he said that my dad was a very mentally sick man, and I felt like he was excusing his behavior, and that because he was sick and acted out toward me because of that, I should get over it.
I almost want to quit again. I'm confused and upset, and feel like I'm not entitled to my feelings. Like he was telling me to get over it. Of course I'll talk to him about it next week if I go, and the rest of this week I'll just be upset because I'm so freaking brain dead that I should have been able to put this behind me by now - obviously.
He told me "his story", and it paralleled mine a lot. He got over it, he put it behind him, he knows his dad was the way he was for a reason, and being upset about it isn't going to change things. So what's wrong with me? And that's what I felt like he was saying, even though I know it's not, and I don't know now what in the h*ll he was saying to me!
Then I came home and tried to talk to my dh, and he was reading while I was trying to talk to him, so I feel slapped down twice. Oh F maybe I should just forget it! I'm not worth listening to anyway. Yes, this is a freaking pity party, and I don't give a F if it is.
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:566604
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051008/msgs/566604.html