Posted by fairywings on October 5, 2005, at 9:49:05
In reply to Re: Answers ... more than you wanted to know .... » fairywings, posted by Annierose on October 5, 2005, at 8:46:41
Thanks Annie,
We talked about what was going on physically last time, which was bad enough, very embarrassing for me, but he was very kind and very understanding. But after my doctor's office called me, now I know part of WHY what's happening to me physically is happening. It's just to embarrassing to go into, and I just don't want to tell him about it.
Part of it's not, I have terrible muscle pain all over. I told my huband that I had leg pain that usually goes away when I get extra potassium, but it's not, and now I know why. My anger outbursts are part of it, and some other stuff. I just feel like a total freak and loser, even though it's a physical problem which I can't help, but I do wonder if it's partly related to some of the meds I'm on. It started getting bad, as far as I can remember, after I started taking Topamax for migraines, and now I have a kidney stone from that too, which I'm not going to tell him, but I'm trying to wean myself off of it.
I have a lot of physical problems, and I'm on a lot of medications, which he pointed out the first time I saw him. (4 alone for migraines) Then when I saw him the 2nd time, and he realized how much it bothered me that he said something, he kind of retracted what he said. But then the next time I saw my p-doc, he said, "Boy, we've got you on a lot of stuff." Now I can't get that out of my mind, and again, I feel like such a loser.
I'm on the border, in a way I want to go and talk to him, in a way I just want to cancel and chuck it all. Every week I think, "it can't get any worse", and every week it has. Every time I tell him things I think I'm telling him the the worst I can possible tell, but every week it seems like something new, something worse happens, and I feel like fate keeps tossing bad stuff my way.
I'm just too ashamed of this to talk about it to him because I wonder if I've created it by going on the meds in the first place. It's not like VD or AIDS or anything like that, it's just something I can't deal with, something that makes me feel like a freak.
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:562009
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/563141.html