Posted by greyskyeyes on September 28, 2005, at 10:16:47
In reply to Don't know how to bring this up with T (trigger?), posted by greyskyeyes on September 26, 2005, at 15:55:21
Well, I bit the bullet and did it. First I brought up the transference issue... which is huge for me because I'm generally very uncomfortable discussing my feelings towards a person with that person. She smiled and let me know that it was completely normal. Heck, we hardly discussed it beyond that - she didn't make a big deal out of it. Which was actually quite nice.
Then we discussed the meltdown (to borrow ShortE's term). After my description of the entire episode (while staring at her bookshelf the whole time... for some reason I always look at the book titled "Ordeal Therapy"! LOL), she immediately pointed out... gasp... the positives! I hadn't thought there were any. Things I didn't do that I would have done in the past. Going to my husband for help - usually I isolate myself. Not hurting myself. Calming down (for me) quickly. Her response completely blew me out of the water. I think she could sense it, because she asked how my parents would respond to negative situations. Well, they would emphasize the negative in ANY situation - for example, a report card with 6 A's and 1 B would result in inquiries as to why I didn't get an A, criticism of my study habits and threats to reduce phone time.
Then we discussed the why of the situation, the order of events, what was going on in my mind. And the entire time I did not feel judged, or disapproved of. It's so strange. I've been seeing her for 16 months and I know, intellectually, that she *won't* reject me, and yet in my heart I always feel it. Like on some level she'll disapprove but won't express it. I guess trust is still an issue for me. We discussed that too.
So... all in all, a powerful session. Amazingly, I did not turn into a waterworks. Thank you all for your thoughts/ insight/ support. Whew. Mountains out of molehills, anyone? :)
~ grey
poster:greyskyeyes
thread:559858
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050920/msgs/560609.html