Posted by Racer on September 11, 2005, at 13:48:31
In reply to Is it just me?**trigger**, posted by muffled on September 10, 2005, at 23:16:15
> I'm putting trigger on anything even remotely controversial so I don't screw anybody up, little f*ckup that I tend to be.(oops, not supposed to diss myself).
Yeah, you're not supposed to diss yourself. There's a reason for that, too, that involves all those things like self-esteem, yaddida, yaddida... It's OK to express yourself, and it's really too bad when other people are triggered by it. For what it's worth, there's a razor fine line between being honest in expressing yourself and taking responsibility for someone else's reactions -- and I think this is a good place to learn about it, since most of us here are pretty understanding about that sort of thing...
I'm sorry if you've posted things that have triggered others. That they were triggered really is more about them than about you, but it's a very kind thing you do when you indicate that your post might trigger the most vulnerable of us here. That's not being a screw up, that's being very caring about others.
On the other hand, if you need to express something that others might find triggering, guess what? You still need to express it, and you can.
Unless, of course, you have a need to yell "FIRE!!" in a crowder theater...
>Anyhow, this board is interesting(its the only board I been on), its like real. Its like real life and interacting with people but you can stop and think, so for me that removes my 'freeze-up' problem. See, I can't interact with people very well cuz I always end up saying something stupid or hurtful or somehow screwing up and I don't meanto and then I just want to run and hide and stay away from people cuz I hurt them. I'm even doing it here. I can't even get it right when I got time to think.
I find it easier to interact here, too, for similar reasons. And I tend to think that I'm doing something wrong when other people have weird reactions to me in real life. Guess what? If I am expressing myself honestly and authentically, and someone else doesn't get it, that doesn't mean it's me -- you know? (Example: I had a biopsy done the other day, and said to the doctor, "So, uh, if I don't cry do I get a lollipop?" She took me seriously, and mentioned that they don't have lollipops in her office! Hello? I'm a middle aged woman, I don't expect lollipops in a doctor's office, and was making a JOKE! But her reaction doesn't mean that there was anything wrong with me. Same principle applies in non-joking situations, too.)
Have you ever seen someone else say something that comes across funny, and other people react as though something's wrong with that person? What is your reaction when you see that happen? Do you find yourself wanting to reach out to the person speaking? Offer comfort? (That's my usual reaction, so I'm offering it up as another example.) If you do, can you try to offer yourself the same kindness?
>I don't want to hurt anybody. There's WAY too much hurt in this world already. :(
> Mebbe thats why I can't look at T. I'm just so f*cking ashamed as to who I am. I'm not supposed to be.I don't think I am, but there's no other explanation. I don't want to cause any pain.Sounds to me as though you've been taught to see yourself as the cause of all the problems around you. Is it possible that you're not, in fact, the root cause of all the pain and misery within a fifty mile radius? Could it be that you actually deserve a little kindness and comfort?
Of course, that's probably not true, and you're probably as bad as I am and should apologize for all your horrible mistakes -- mosquitos? I'm really sorry about them, they seemed like a good idea, even if I can't remember why -- but it's still possible that you aren't nearly as bad as you giving yourself credit for. And I'll bet you even have a good quality or two. (I do! My fingernails are a lovely shape, and I rarely kick animals...)
I hope this helps a bit. I hate to see how much pain you're in right now, and wish I could offer real comfort. This is the best I got today, but it's yours for the taking.
poster:Racer
thread:553527
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/553773.html